Tower Urology Blog

Help Your Man Banish Self-Doubt from the Bedroom

Women commonly experience insecurity and self-doubt, but many people don’t realize that men often suffer from the same problem, and it can affect their performance in the bedroom. Sexual anxiety among men has spiked over the last forty years. To combat performance anxiety, it pays to know the new social factors that have contributed to this condition. You’ll reap the benefits when your man feels good about himself and is free from self-doubt! 

Help Your Man Banish Self-Doubt from the Bedroom_Woman Massaging Man_1200x400

The Stress of Modern Society

One major factor is the high level of stress in modern society. In today’s business world, men work long hours without enough sleep, exercise, or relaxation. They are often physically and psychologically exhausted when they get home. Add financial worries, societal pressure, traffic jams, and conflicts at work, and it’s no wonder men have trouble giving their best performance in the bedroom!

Few issues can sabotage your sex life more effectively than anxiety. Stress, tension, and anxiety can exact a heavy toll on intimate relationships and fill the bedroom with emotional toxins. Physically, stress works against healthy sexual function by shrinking the blood vessels and moving blood away from the genitals to the arms and legs, which is precisely the opposite of what your man needs to get an erection.

The problem is only compounded when men try to cope with their stress by using alcohol or recreational drugs. As Shakespeare wisely observed, alcohol “provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.” The same is true of legal drugs, including nicotine and prescription medications. The current craze over “Vitamin V” (Viagra) is no cure for a tense body and anxious mind.

Gender Differences and Expectations        

Thanks to increased awareness and open discussion of women’s sexual needs, your man is now under additional pressure to please you. He may feel he is expected to perform with the expertise of a twentysomething porn star. For some men, this might not be a problem. For most men, however, sex has become an obstacle course filled with snares and hurdles in which they score points for technique as well as for crossing the finish line. The goal is not just to satisfy themselves; it is also all about pleasing their partners. Many people seem to believe that a man is responsible not just for bringing his lady to orgasm but for giving her multiple, ecstatic, earth-shattering orgasms. Now that’s pressure!

Every man should cater to his partner’s pleasure, but both genders may not realize just how high the levels of performance anxiety have become under the new rules. Men’s single biggest sexual worry today is that they will fail to give their partners orgasms of spectacular quantity and quality. If a man has even one humiliating sexual encounter, he can succumb to a vicious cycle of self-doubt. Millions of relationships turn into no-win situations when people aim for an imaginary standard of great sex instead of attending to their partners’ unique needs and preferences. Good communication between you and your man and a willingness to work together are the keys to achieving mutual satisfaction in the bedroom.

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What’s “Normal” Anyway?

Most men measure themselves against a standard based on fantasy instead of reality. Men vary as much as women do with respect to sexual preferences and drive, yet men assume there is such a thing as “normal.”  They interpret commonplace stumbling blocks in the bedroom as personal failures. Worse, they usually panic if a romp between the sheets ends in disappointment or embarrassment. This negative experience results in self-doubt, which starts a downward spiral of fear, anxiety, and inhibition—all of which are bigger obstacles to sexual happiness than having a construction crew in your bedroom (maybe even bigger than having your mother-in-law in your bedroom!).

If your man starts doubting whether he is “normal,” gently reassure him with these three important truths:

  1. Every man has lost an erection or ejaculated sooner than he would have liked at some point.
  2. Every man is just not interested in sex sometimes.
  3. Every man has failed to satisfy a partner at least once.

If your man is assured that such events are perfectly normal, he can take them in stride and approach your next sexy rendezvous with confidence

What patients say about Tower Urology

4.7
Over 346 Reviews

Dr Josephson has a magic hand. after protate surgery usually most of the patients get leaks but mine was perfect. He is very intelligent, helpful, patient, and polite. I recommend him to all my friends and family

SHAWN M.
SHAWN M.

Dr Justin Houman has made a positive impact on my health. At first I was nervous about seeing a Urologist but he made me feel comfortable to open up and solve my problems. Highly recommend him. Five Stars ⭐️

Baguette M.
Baguette M.

Justin is a very caring doctor who always goes out of his way to address my needs.

Alec P.
Alec P.

Very kind and professional Doctor. Caring and experienced staff. Lucky to have found Dr. Houman and I highly recommend him to anyone looking for a urologist.

Dreamland D.
Dreamland D.

I have been suffering from Testicular pain for the past 3.2 years, and it has been a challenging journey. If I do certain activities like long walks, lifting weights and sex triggers or worsen my testicular pain. The pain was intense enough to significantly impact my daily activities. Pain forces me to rest for 1 to 2 days and applying the Ice packs frequently. I finally met Dr. Justin Houman, who has truly been my life saver. I recently underwent Microsurgical Spermatic Cord Denervation and Varicocelectomies Surgery with Dr. Justice Houman and I noticed a significant reduction in my chronic testicular pain, which has greatly improved my quality of life. I have gradually resumed activities like long walks, lifting weights, sexual activity and I am experiencing only very minimal testicular pain, which doesn’t affect my daily activities. I would highly recommend Dr. Justice Houman to anyone suffering from chronic testicular pain, he is a true expert in men’s andrology. Dr. Houman is truly a life saver for me, Thank you very much Dr. Houman!

Kishore C.
Kishore C.

Dr.Josephson was an Answer to many prayers! I recently had surgery in Bakersfield with urologist who is past his prime. I couldn't get help after my TURP surgery. For 3 months (90 days) I was in great discomfort, unable to urinate without extreme pain. 40 times a day,wanting to cry ! My Bakersfield urologist said there was NOTHING he could do to help me. A friend sent me to Dr. Josephine. I prayed for a miracle and Dr. Josephson kindly obliged. No further surgery was needed! Dr.Josephson took the "time" to examine me and found the issue immediately and I left his office as happy a child !! Thank you,Dr.Josephson, words cannot express my gratitude enough!! You helped me greatly in my time of need! You were kind and gentle and made me feel cared for. Thank you,May God Bless You !! JSM

John M.
John M.

I had a wonderful experience with Dr. Kuhlmann and her team. Her bedside manner was fantastic and put me at ease throughout my visits. She was responsive to my questions and fully explained my treatment plan. My quality of life has significantly improved and I am so thankful to have found a physician I can trust. Would 100% recommend.

Jacqueline R.
Jacqueline R.

Dr . Josephson is hands -down the absolute best any patient or family could ask for in a doctor . His staff is on point they run like a machine. The experience has been exceptional. His care knowledge understanding and follow up is on point and he truly is the best urologist you can find. highly recommend it .

Sarineh Y.
Sarineh Y.

Very pleasant, helpful, and very knowledgeable doesn’t do any test, which is not necessary like most of the other Urologist do give you a clear opinion of your health and give you good advice I strongly recommend him I do wish him all the best in his career

David N.
David N.

A family member was struggling with testicular pain for years and had concerns about fertility. I am so grateful that we were referred to Dr. Houman. He is very thoughtful and knowledgeable and has great bedside manner. He diagnosed a varicocele and recommended microsurgical varicocelectomy and we are so happy with the results. I highly recommend Dr. Houman.

Sophia L.
Sophia L.

Dr Kuhlmann and her office were wonderful. She was attentive in answering my questions and made me feel heard. She was friendly, professional and helpful. I’d definitely go back if I had any future concerns!

Ruby W.
Ruby W.

Amazing urologist. Go to expert for men’s health. I refer patients to him as often as possible!

Ilan K.
Ilan K.

The best. I can’t say enough good things about the care i received and continue to receive from all the people at Tower urology especially Dr. Joesepson.

Robert H.
Robert H.

He saved my dad’s life. Thanks for everything you did. Can never repay you.

Amir Y.
Amir Y.

How did a woman with a lifetime of recurrent bladder infections wind up with a urologist whose specialty is male fertility? It happened like this...Dr. Houman was recommended to my husband when he began having the prostate problems that can devastate older men. Dr. Houman solved his urinary difficulties, and I'm convinced, kept him from the fate of a constant catheter. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to be his patient, and have been, for the first time in my life, free for several months of any infections. But the best part of being Dr. Houman's patient is this. When you are in trouble, he will keep in constant touch with you...he does not isolate himself behind a wall of nurses. Naturally, I recommend him highly, Marilyn B.

Marilyn B.
Marilyn B.

Great doc you can trust. He's very up on all the new and modern modalities to help you and keep you healthy. Great choice and nice guy.

Dave R.
Dave R.

Fantastic! 3 surgeries! The guy is on top of his trade & switched on my full potentials for quality of life. Many thanks to you Dr j. ❤️🎉🍾🎈🙏

Amir V.
Amir V.

Dr. Kuhlmann is AMAZING!! I saw her for perimenopause care and she explains everything clearly and got me started on a treatment plan right away. Highly recommend.

Heather J.
Heather J.

My experience with Dr. Houman has been nothing but positive. He takes the time to really listen and provide solutions. I came to him, very unsure and very unhappy, with a procedure done by another doctor several years earlier. After a couple of meetings Dr. Houman assured me that he could help me. And that’s exactly what happened. I'm very pleased with the results. His bedside manner and can-do attitude, his insight, enthusiasm and quick email responses were greatly appreciated. You can’t do better than Dr. Houman. I highly recommend him.

Russ W.
Russ W.

Dr. Kuhlmann was excellent at listening to my individual needs and exploring the best solutions possible.

C H.
C H.

10/10 would recommend!! Dr. Houman is the best!!

Arturo K.
Arturo K.

Dr Houman gave me a new life with the Inflatable penile implant. In the past I tried viagra and injections but nothing compares to this procedure. As I am 79 I have the youth and lasting desire of love making as a 40 year old Mick Jagger! If you are reluctant .... Dr Houman is the best and most knowledgable!

Barry B.
Barry B.

Dr. Houman is a one of a kind doctor, truly. It's a scary thing to go see a urologist, and Dr. Houman made the experience comfortable, safe, and he instilled confidence in me as a patient. My fear and worries went from 100 to zero, and I am extremely happy to have found his office. Would recommend Dr. Houman to anyone!!

Ben M.
Ben M.

Excellent doctor! Was completely taken care of from start to finish

Jimmy L.
Jimmy L.

Thorough. Communicative. I would highly recommend Tower Urology and Dr. Josephson in particular.

Karl S.
Karl S.

Highly recommend Dr Houman he is amazing and saved my life

ROBERT D.
ROBERT D.

Highly skilled and compassionate, Dr. Houman provides excellent care suggestions.

S K.
S K.

Dr. Houman is excellent—professional, compassionate, and thorough. I felt well cared for and informed every step of the way. Highly recommend!

Mr. E.
Mr. E.

Dr. Houman is knowledgeable, professional, and genuinely cares about patients. They made me feel comfortable and well-informed throughout the process. Highly recommend!

spicy G.
spicy G.

Best doctor in town!

Hannah N.
Hannah N.

Best urologist in the game. It’s never too early to consult a doctor. Justin made me feel comfortable and work through different issues that were important to me to resolve. I met with a few doctors until I found Justin. He is top notch. Highly recommend

Ryan D.
Ryan D.

Dr. Houman is a SUPERHERO. He is everything you’d dream of in a doctor and more! He takes care of my family with such kindness and expertise. We are so grateful to this outstanding urologist - he is absolutely amazing!

Amanda M.
Amanda M.

This is ari zoroaster dr. Houman is one of the best doctors I have ever had very professional and smart ...and super friendly that make you forget the pain of needles !!!!! Over all I am very pleased of knowing him and will keep going there.

martha F.
martha F.

Dr. Houman is an outstanding urologist. He’s professional, knowledgeable, and kind. He really took the time to thoroughly answer all my questions. I would highly recommend Dr. Houman.

Ashley H.
Ashley H.

Dr Houman is the urologist you’ve been looking for! He never shies away from a challenge and has taken excellent care of me over many hurdles! He’s dedicated to each patient, never in a rush and a talented surgeon!!

Thomas C.
Thomas C.

Dr. Kuhlmann is a fantastic urologist — she really takes the time to listen and address your concerns. I couldn’t recommend her enough

Jeremiah D.
Jeremiah D.

Dr. Kuhlmann is an excellent surgeon, physician, and clinician. She is very skilled, thorough, and attentive-she puts her patients first. I highly recommend her!

Tiffany P.
Tiffany P.

Dr. Kuhlmann is a brilliant doctor physician and excellent diagnostician. She truly listens to her patients’ concerns and uses up to date treatments. I fully trust I am receiving the best care from her!

Kayla L.
Kayla L.

Dr. Houman was the most compassionate and caring doctor that we met in our 10 day stay at the hospital. He is a knowledgeable doctor that genuinely wants to help.

Joseph S.
Joseph S.

Dr. Kuhlmann is extremely knowledgeable and a truly caring physician. She has a way of communicating confidence and expertise while also meeting each of her patients on their level. Very professional and goes the extra mile for everyone she cares for.

Samuel G.
Samuel G.

Dr. Houman was amazing, don’t typically do reviews but he was extremely thoughtful and helpful. Highly recommend!

Michael S.
Michael S.

Best of the bests! Highly recommend Dr. Houman

Janet N.
Janet N.

Dr. Houman is the BEST! He literally saved my grandpa's life and he couldn't be more kind and thoughtful. If Dr.Houman is your doctor then you're in amazing hands! Thank you Dr.Houman

Ella N.
Ella N.

Dr Kuhlmann is a fantastic physician. She is very caring and attentive. I appreciate her dedication.

Danielle B.
Danielle B.

When my patient’s need a urologist, I go to Dr. Kuhlmann. She is my top choice for urologic care in the region. Desmond Huynh, MD

Desmond H.
Desmond H.

Excellent physician and great listener. Most physicians don’t take the time to understand or put themselves in their patient’s shoes. Dr. Kuhlmann is the opposite of that. Highly recommend.

Joleen H.
Joleen H.

Dr. Paige Kuhlmann is a warm, caring, compassionate and smart doctor. She went out of her way to accommodate my mom and made her feel so comfortable. I give her a 10 out of 10!

Wendy F.
Wendy F.

Extremely knowledgable and informative.

Leslie M.
Leslie M.

She was very knowledgeable and answered all my questions. Highly recommend!

Patrick P.
Patrick P.

I usually do not write reviews however Dr Houman is an exception. He is a terrific urologist and very knowledgeable. What might be equally important is his care and attention, quickly returning emails as well as phone calls. In an age of increasing fast in fast out medical care, Dr Houman works with a personal touch rarely seen these days. I highly recommend him.

Richard K.
Richard K.

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